She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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