Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Randomize
