If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
