East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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