no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
