There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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