drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
