Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
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I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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