Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
