i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
