I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
