I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
