No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
