dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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