fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
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but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
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Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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