I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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