she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
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So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
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It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
as a side note pls kill me
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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