the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
