I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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