Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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