yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
