If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
