Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize