Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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