I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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