I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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