I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
