PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
