Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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