I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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