Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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