WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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