just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
