You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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