I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
