Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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