is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
