Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
