I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
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I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We left the knife in your bed.
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I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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