Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
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