I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
