Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
