shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
