I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
