I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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