i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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