I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
