vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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