Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
