why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Randomize
