do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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