My liver just broke up with me...
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
