Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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