I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
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I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
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Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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