you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
