it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
