i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
