I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
