youre lurking in front of me
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
