can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
