Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
