I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
