I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
